take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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