The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
