You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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