Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I didn't notice because vodka
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love you.
Bad choice
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
