watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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