If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
