dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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