Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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