i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
