they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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