Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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