we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
