I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
