Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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