Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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