Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
