Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
