Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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