DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
