So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
