I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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