I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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