that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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