we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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