The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
