Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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