Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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