I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
