i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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