Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you never un-have a 4some
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
