This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
