his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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