Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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