hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
