Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
