I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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