On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
