after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
