I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
