i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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