That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
