i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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