omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
