if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
