Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
