My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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