Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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