I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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