yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
