did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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