So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
