Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
