Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
