Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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