we have pet lesbian snakes
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
