my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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